i remember i posted my first blog on blogger when i was only a sohpmore in highschool only because i wanted to feel special and grown up. after seeing most of the seniors that i looked up to post blogs, i just wanted to be like them. but with the advent of xanga, i sold blogger out as quick as a snitch sells out his enemy. posting pictures, funny meaningless posts, only appealing to the masses, trying only to please, and never writing what i really i'm really think.
i'm tired of selling out. tired of not doing what i want to do. tired of being scared of failure or even worse success.
i think it was in Coach Carter where there was that beautiful quote about being scared of what you can accomplish more than what you can do. that the power that we possess is so great that its frightening.
well that i think thats bullshit. what the hell does that mean anyways. i have yet to feel scared of success. that is the last thing i'm thinking about. i'm usually shitting my pants most of the day. afraid of every little thing that approaches me.
and to think of it. the only thing that i dont fear is God. cause i treat him like crap. backhand him, stab him in the back, lie, cheat, steal, broken promises, and taking advantage of grace that is give at a GREAT cost. greater than i can ever ever imagine. even in death and the eternity that i spend in the afterlife, i will never be able to understand what that unconditional grace cost.
when i was younger, i always thought that i would know how God felt when he gave his only son to this world to be treated like an animal. but thats just stupid.
but yea. im trying this whole blogger thing out. i really hope that i can honest here. also creative.
enjoy.
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